I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
