why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Randomize
