I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
