I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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