ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
