I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So squirting runs in the family.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
