I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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