six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
