And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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