Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry about my life...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize