last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
