If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
