yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've blown a few things in my day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i out mim tonsoeep
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