I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize