Screwed.edu
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
