everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize