She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
