My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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