I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
