Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
