Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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