I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
