i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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