Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
