Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
