I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
