Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
