JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My life is pants optional.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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