I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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