I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
