remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
