how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
