I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize