i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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