I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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