TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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