awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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