I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
