i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm too high and old for this...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
