hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
