She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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