I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
