Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
