I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize