mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize