In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
