so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
