i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish there were birth control emojis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
