'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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