I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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