I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize