apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
