Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
