I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
