So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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