I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
