sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize