if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
