You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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