So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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