I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
