the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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