Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
