WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I love how my cats smell like pot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
