Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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