just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
