We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
