you would pick up someone in the library
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
