I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
